[Smells Like News] The Hills: Text and Subtext

It happened to Paris Hilton, and now Justin Bobby's cell phone has been hacked! The internet was abuzz today with all of the text messages he's been sending. We have the full transcript and a video!

It is not a sex tape of him with ex-girlfriend Audrina Patridge or current girlfriend Kristin Cavallari, but the video is some strange footage of Holly Montag drunkenly dancing at an art opening. That's almost as good. But the real scandal will come from the contents of his text message mailbox.

From Lo: That she's over you. I told you shaving the beard wasn't enough.
To Lo: Whatever, I'll show that bitch.

To Kristin: Lo says you say that you're over me. What gives?
To Kristin: Are you going to text me back? Hello! Just because you're in Laguna Beach doesn't mean you don't have to respond.
To Kristin: Fine, don't text back. I bet you're talking to your dad about me right now. He probably doesn't even care about me or Brody or Jayde or any of this.
To Kristin: Your dad blows. He's not a real Italian unless he has it tattooed on his chest. Tell him that!

From Spencer: Dude, Holly is wasted again. I told you you should have come to this party. Now she's dancing like a fool.
To Spencer: Haha. That's awesome. I'm on my way. I need a video of this.

To Holly: Hey, you drunk bitch, I'm gonna come take a video of you dancing drunk.
From Holly. U Betr not. And im nots a drnk bbitch. Fyck yoo.

To Kristin: Why haven't you texted back. That's it, I'm coming to your house.
From Kristin: Please, don't come to my house.
To Kristin: Too late, I'm there already. I just let myself in. I'm cooking.
From Kristin: I bet you're cooking Italian. Haha. Are you really there cooking? That's creepy.
To Kristin: Looks like you're going to have to show up and find out.

To Audrina: I've been thinking about you.
From Audrina: Please stop. I'm out on a date.
To Audrina: With who? I'm going to come and find that dude and kill him. He's not as cool as me.
To Audrina: Does he have a motorcycle?
To Audrina: Or an Italia tattoo? Didn't think so.
From Audrina: Shut up, Justin.

To Derrick: Dude, Audrina's dating some other guy. I'm gonna find that dude and kick his ass. You gonna have my back.
From Derrick: Maybe you should be a little nicer to the guy. You're done with Audrina, right?
To Derrick: Yeah man, but not really. And I can't believe some guy thinks he's as cool as I am. I bet she's saying all these lies about me, like I steal CDs and stuff.
From Derrick: I bet it's not like that, man.
From Derrick: OK, she was out with me.
To Derrick: Haha. Don't lie just to calm me down.
From Derrick: No, I'm serious, it was me.
To Derrick: That is fucked up man. I'm glad I wasn't serious about kicking some guys ass, cause I could totally take you.
From Derrick: So, does that mean it's not cool to date your friend's ex?

From Specner: Hey man, want to come to Holly's intervention with me and Heidi?
To Spencer: Nah, that sounds boring.
From Spencer: No way, it's gonna be awesome. I bet as soon as she sits down, she orders a drink.
To Spencer: I'm totally selling that footage of her drunk I have on my phone.
From Spencer: You should. That shit is funny.
To Spencer: So, are you there? What happened?
From Spencer: She said she's gonna quit booze.
To Spencer: Yeah, right.
From Spencer: I know man, this is gonna be awesome. But maybe this will keep Heidi from bugging me about having kids for awhile.

To Kristin: I'm glad you forgave me last night for not going to Brody's party. I'm just jealous of you and Brody.
From Kristin: Well, I'm on my way over there now.
To Kristin: Even though I don't want a girlfriend, you can't bone him.
From Kristin: We're just friends, Justin. And you're not my boyfriend, you can't tell me what to do.
To Kristin: That's it, I'm texting Audrina.

To Audrina: Where are you?
From Audrina: I'm sitting on the deserted roof of a hotel surrounded by fairy lights. It's a completely natural setting. Where are you?
To Audrina: I'm on my way over.
From Audrina: Why? What do you have to say?
To Audrina: I don't know what to feel or say.
To Audrina: There is nothing better than Audrina Patridge.
From Audrina: OK, I'll see you soon. But if you smell like Kristin, I'm leaving.
To Audrina: Nah, baby, it's not like that. If I wanted a girlfriend, I would totally love you.

To Kristin: Haha. I'm hanging out with Audrina. How's Brody now?
From Kristin: Jesus, Justin. Grow up.

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Posted By sysop to Smells Like News at 10/21/2009 12:08:00 P
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