[Smells Like News] Gossip Girl: Sonic Youth in Revolt
Kim Gordon married Lily and Rufus and it was either the death of cool or the birth of awesome. Now that the heiress and the grunge rocker are joined, what does it mean for the show's power structure?
Last night was an action packed and funny episode that not only marked a wedding, but a virtual birth, when Scott was welcomed into his new family. We all died a little when a desperate Georgina returned as a campy villainous rather than a deadly destroyer. I didn't think it was possible to love her anymore. There were also some break ups, some make ups, and some serious "Star Power."
Fashion Points: We see her out of uniform: +1, She wore that horrible hat to the wedding: -4, But wears her hair down: +1, Cute babushka: +2
Personality Flaw: Makes famous pancakes: +3, Her years in Poland made her a master spy: +2
Power Play: Apparently used to work for Kim Gordon and Thurston Moore and can get them to do favors for her at the drop of a hat—a really ugly blue hat: +4
Total: 9
Season to Date: 37
Power Position: Up
Family Secrets: Gets the dirt on Carter from Brie: +2
Fashion Points: More purple: -1, The only one to wear a shirt and tie to the wedding: +3
Personality Flaw: Knows how to give a Chang Mai massage: +4
Power Play: Is wrong to back Brie against Carter: -2
Sexual Intrigue: Has to apologize for Blair's rudeness to Brie: -1, Fighting with Blair of Brie/Carter: -2
Social Schemes: Makes an ally of Brie: +1, Tries to send Carter away for the 7 millionth time: +3, Gives him an actual physical plane ticket like they still exists: -1, Spared the humiliation of his plan against Carter failing by telling Serena that Carter isn't such a bad guy after all: +2
Total: 8
Season to Date: 15
Power Position: Even
Family Secrets: Spills the beans about Scott with the bluntness of the scissors Jenny uses to cut her hair: +3
Fashion Points: Asymmetrically ruffled dress at the wedding: +1
Personality Flaw: Still eats the wedding cake: +3
Power Play: Shows up at the wedding uninvited: +1, Leaves town: -4
Sexual Intrigue: Has it so bad for Dan that she's sending him animated ecards: -3, Gets fooled by Dan, of all people, into thinking he likes her: -2, She wants to bone him so bad she can barely think straight: -1,
Social Schemes: Uses the dirt about Scott against Vanessa: +2, Engineers the "Olivia is dating Orlando Bloom" scheme: +3, Is an awesome Cyrano de Bergerac: +1, Figures out Dan is lying to her in about 7 seconds: +2, Gets fooled by a fake prince: -3
Total: 2
Season to Date: 10
Power Position: Up
Family Secrets: Gets the truth about Scott out of Vanessa: +2, Doesn't say anything until after the wedding: -1, Georgina breaks the story first: -1
Fashion Points: No tie at the wedding: -1
Money: Got Julia Allison to send him one of those Sony Vaios she's been hawking on the internet: +2
Personality Flaw: Catches Vanessa plotting against him and believes that she is in love with him. What ego! But since women keep landing at his feet, it's an understandable delusion: -1
Power Play: Has to deal with is dad living in his Brooklyn pussy den: -3
Sexual Intrigue: Totally over Georgina: +2, His new love Olivia is in Japan: -1
Social Schemes: Has seen the Parent Trap, and likes its tactics: +2, Fools Georgina into thinking he's into her to shut her up: +2, She figures him out in about 7 seconds: -2
Total: 0
Season to Date: 4
Power Position: Down
Fashion Points: That green and brown dress she wears to the wedding that looks like a pool of Ent vomit: -3
Power Play: Hates Brie: +2 (cause so do we), Turns out she's right that Carter rules and Brie drools: +2, Has enough pull at the mayor's office to get the Botanical Gardens on a whim: +2
Sexual Intrigue: Chuck loves her enough to tolerate her blatant bitchiness: +1, Can't get her man to finish her massage: -2, Fighting with Chuck over Brie/Carter: -2
Social Schemes: Has her minions plan and awesome wedding for Lily and Rufus in an afternoon: +3, Sends a fake prince to whisk Georgina out of town: +3
Total: 6
Season to Date: 2
Power Position: Up
Family Secrets: His secret about bedding Brie's cousin to escape gambling debts and then jilting her is pretty lame: -3
Fashion Points: No tie at the wedding: -1
Money: Is a poor: -3
Power Play: Blair has got his back and lets him move into her house: +3
Sexual Intrigue: Tells Serena the truth: +4, She wigs out about it: -3, Wants Serena so bad that he faces the thugs at the wedding to be with her: -1 (because Serena is not worth getting beaten up over)
Social Schemes: Let's all the people on this show decide where he lives and when he leaves town: -2, Finally won't take it anymore: +4, Standing up to Chuck Bass takes some major balls: +2
Total: 0
Season to Date: 0
Power Position: Even
Family Secrets: Finds out his son is alive: +3, The son is Scott: -1
Fashion Points: Thinks he is Johnny Cash and wears all black to the wedding: -2
Money: He married Lily, which is like winning the Set For Life scratch off ticket grand prize: +3
Personality Flaw: Is ghetto, especially when compared to Lily: -1, Has read Gift of the Magi one too many times: -1, Thinks love can fix things: -1
Power Play: Hiding out in Brooklyn: -1, Gets a Sonic Youth montage all his own: +3, Lets everyone else plan his wedding: +3, Kim Fucking Gordon marries him: +10, Everyone in the family loves Scott: +2
Social Schemes: Falls for the Parent Trap bit: -2
Total: 15
Season to Date: -14
Power Position: Up
Fashion Points: What is that horrible purple print thing?: -3, Wonderful dress for the wedding: +2, Still manages to make it look slutty: -1
Money: Is in love with a poor: -1, Is still working (in PR!) and doesn't have any cash: -1
Personality Flaw: Actually says, "I'm a genius," which proves that she is so stupid she thinks she's brilliant, which is kind of like smoking so much pot that you feel like you're sober: -4
Power Play: Gets Blair to lend her the "new mean girls" for an afternoon: +3, Remembers all the vows from all her mother's weddings: +1, Loves her new, extended family: +2
Sexual Intrigue: Carter loves her so much he's willing to be exposed so that he can keep staring at her boobs: +2, Gets pissed at Carter when he tells her the truth: -1 (cause what he did was shitty, but at least he was honest), Then she feels bad and wants him back: -1
Social Schemes: Has seen the Parent Trap and likes its tactics: +2
Total: 0
Season to Date: -19
Power Position: Up
Fashion Points: No tie at the wedding: -1, For multiple not-wearing-a tie-when-one-is-socially-appropriate offenses: -2
Personality Flaw: Gets dissed for being a Vanderbilt: -1, Um, he's still a Vanderbilt: +3
Sexual Intrigue: Just sits there and lets Blair fuck with his girlfriend: -2, Finally dumps that skank Brie: +5
Social Schemes: Gets used by Brie so she can get to Carter: -3
Total: -1
Season to Date: -20
Power Position: Down
Family Secrets: Georgina lets the cat out of the bag before he can: -3
Fashion Points: Wears a tie to the wedding: +1, But no jacket: -2, And Georgina had to buy him the tie: -1
Personality Flaw: He wants to be Lily and Rufus' kid so bad: -2 (because look how that turned out for Dan, Jenny, Serena, and the Silent Gay), Is it just us, or does he seem kind of like Rain Man?: -1
Power Play: The first time he meets Lily, she yells at him: -2, Everyone in the family loves him: +4
Sexual Intrigue: Vanessa still wants it bad: +3, He doesn't even see her: +1 (because it's Vanessa)
Social Schemes: Gets carted around by Georgina like a breathing handbag full of dirty secrets: -2
Total: -4
Season to Date: -30
Power Position: Up
Family Secrets: Tells Dan Scott's secret: -2, Multiple I-can't-keep-my-fucking-mouth-shut offenses: -2, Wisely tells Dan to keep the secret until after the wedding: +3, How is Vanessa going to tell someone to keep their mouth shut: -4
Fashion Points: Dresses like Jana of the Jungle: -4, But Jana is pretty rad: +3, The return of the lady dread situation: -1
Power Play: Gets to set Georgina straight about Dan: +2, Doesn't even get invited to the wedding: -3
Sexual Intrigue: Goes out of her way to lie to her best friend for her man Scott and doesn't even get laid: -3
Social Schemes: Falls into Georgina's web: -2, Is awesome on the phone with Dan: +4
Total: -9
Season to Date: -50
Power Position: Down
Fashion Points: Makes Lily's dress and it's not horrible: +1
Personality Flaw: Has an unhealthy obsession with board games: -3
Power Play: Lets her silent gay shadow speak multiple times:-2, Convinces Dan that Olivia is cool: +2
Social Schemes: Has seen the Parent Trap and likes its tactics: +2
Total: 0
Season to Date: -53
Power Position: Down
Fashion Points: A Bedazzled parasite has attached itself to her shoulder and will not let go: -2
Personality Flaw: Has read Gift of the Magi one too many times: -1, She is totally unoriginal and can't come up with some vows: -2, Yells at her kid the first time she sees him: 0 (because she treats all her kids like shit, so it's standard)
Power Play: Still won't forgive Serena for not going to Brown: +3, Gets a Sonic Youth montage all her own: +3, Kim Fucking Gordon marries her: +10, Tells Serena that it's OK she didn't go to Brown: -3
Sexual Intrigue: Picks a fight with Rufus for no apparent reason: -2, Almost lets her need for a fancy wedding ruin her relationship: -1, Is the only one who has figured out that she and Rufus are totally incompatible: +4, Marries him anyway: -5
Social Schemes: Falls for the Parent Trap bit: -2, Gets Scott to stay in town: +3, Does it with some stupid, sappy speech about how much she loves him: -1
Total: 4
Season to Date: -69
Power Position: Up
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Posted By sysop to Smells Like News at 10/13/2009 11:03:00 A
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